


A Sense of the Infinite

by Kukui_Kukui



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Original Character(s), POV Original Female Character, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25737994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kukui_Kukui/pseuds/Kukui_Kukui
Summary: Reincarnated as Miyuna Shimewari, she is unable to comprehend the new life she is given. Thrown into the exciting yet dangerous life of a ninja, Miyuna must find ways to save herself from dying again but it proves to be a lot harder than she anticipated, especially when ninjas in this world can perform magic tricks like SHOOTING FIREBALLS OUT OF THEIR MOUTHS?!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I've lost count how many times I've re-written this story...but please enjoy!

**_i. t_** ** _he_ ** **_grief for the lost places of your past_ **

This is Miyuna Shimewari’s story, not mine. I’d love to tell you one without getting into the other, but it doesn’t work that way. You see, I used to think that I could sew us together at the edges and cut away the stitches any time I wanted, but it was always more complicated than that.

This much was mine though: everything I did. At least, I’d like to think that was true.

How to begin?

The main thing you need to know about Miyuna Shimewari is that she never existed, or rather, who she was meant to be never existed. As it turns out, there was something after death, and what I became after _the end_ was a girl in another world named Miyuna Shimewari. Yes, you could say I was reincarnated.

I made her a restless one, Miyuna Shimewari: soft-spoked and educated, a good girl all her life. A little cynical at times, has her guard up most times, too wary to tell anyone anything without thinking twice. Innocent and honest, but rebellious at times. She likes daifuku and udon, dislikes the taste of carrots, has two brothers - twins named Tobari and Jomei - their parents are Hirana and Asahi Shimewari. Awkward as hell as a kid and enjoys aimless long walks by herself.

 _Sophie_ knew she died. She knew there was some awful thing wrong with Miyuna’s world. She was quick-tempered and easily freaked out. She too liked daifuki and udon and disliked the taste of carrots. But she wasn’t the older sister of two younger twins and she wasn’t the daughter of Hirana and Asahi Shimewari. She had a bubbly personality and she sure as hell did not like long walks by herself. But Sophie knew if she wanted to survive, she needed to become Miyuna Shimewari.

It was easier said than done. You can’t make another personality, another human being, and expect the original to just up and disappear.

I suppose it wasn’t odd, then, that I had trouble reconciling the two. It was hard for me at first to warm up to my new parents, Asahi and Hirana Shimewari, accepting them meant accepting my reincarnation and with that, the fact that I had died. Even now, it all seems like some dream. A very long dream.

Miyuna’s world was different. I was surrounded by violence. No, it was even more than that. Both my new parents were _shinobi._ My new father had established the Leaf Village's Homeland Security Unit after he retired from the village’s ANBU corps. When Miyuna was a child, he spent most of his days holed up in his office doing paperwork or out of the village doing various missions. He was always busy. Now, don’t get me wrong, this didn’t mean he was a horrible father who never spent time with his family. He tried hard to make it his goal to do at least one thing for Miyuna and her siblings each day — picking them up at the ninja academy, taking them to the park, playing games with them, helping them with their training. Even now, with Miyuna and her two brothers being older and active-duty ninjas ourselves, he’d still try to wrangle them all together for a family meal on their days off.

Oh, and he was madly in love with their mother. He was a complete dork when it came to my new mother.

She was beautiful, and I always admired her beauty growing up. I can’t recall ever seeing another person who really resembled her. Her hair reminded me of caramel candies, and as a toddler I liked to grab a few strands in my hand whenever they were in my reach. I knew not to tug too hard; I just liked to feel how soft they were. She’d laugh whenever I did this and then gently pried my hands away from her hair, an action I whined at. She had glowing light skin, golden eyes with the entire sun in them; and her smile was always so filled with love and happiness.

Maybe I was a complete dork when it came to Hirana too.

My new father, Asahi Shimewari, was a whole different story. He was pretty much absent for my first two years, and just when I had come to reluctant terms with the fact that I had a flaky father in my new life who was probably a low-life bum, he showed up.

It was late one night, and by late I mean it must’ve been three in the morning, a few days after my second birthday in November. I had woken up to someone shuffling around in my room. There he was in _all his glory_ , just-showered damp hair with a clean set of dark sweats on, cleaning up my toys and books at three in the morning. Later on, as I got to know him, I realized he was a neat freak, everything had to be neat and orderly when he was around, but come on, three in the morning, in pitch darkness?

When I saw the shadowy figure zipping about organizing my things in my bedroom, I reacted like any _normal_ person would, I screamed. Even when he turned on the lights and tried to shush me in a frenzied urgency in fear that I may wake the neighbors (and I did), I didn’t stop wailing at the top of my lungs until Hirana came running in and I was safely in her arms.

That sure taught him a lesson.

When I saw him in clarity under the fluorescent lights of my room, I intuitively knew this man was my father, not some friend or next-door neighbor. I knew this was him: olive-colored eyes, blonde hair that curled at the base of his neck and some stubble below his chin, which made him seem more intimidating and older than he really was. If I squinted, I guess I could tell that this man and I shared the same nose. I was only able to discern that because I spent a narcissistic amount of time looking at a mirror when I first had access to one — Hirana thought it was extremely amusing and she laughed about it to Asahi for hours.

Hot damn…did Miyuna have a set of good-looking genes. The most prominent of her features belonged to her mother, caramel-brown hair that curled in the strangest ways that could only point itself to the nature of Asahi’s own hair. She kept it at a long-bobbed length, just resting a few centimeters below her shoulders. Sometimes when her hair decided it wanted to be extra curly that morning and for the rest of the day, it’d rest just at her shoulders. She had hazel eyes that speckled gold and olive-green. She was chubby from all the sweets she ate (very cutely though ahem). Her skin was light and rosy, easily sun-burnt if she spent too long roasting in the summer without the proper sun-screen.

My first years as Miyuna were indispensable. Thinking back on those years conjured up a jumble of feelings: an innocent, blissful happiness and a pensive kind of melancholy - a feeling of yearning for something unreachable.

With all the _shit_ that went on around me, I considered myself to be pretty lucky. I don’t mean that I got through this new life unscathed - that’s a whole can to be opened yet - but I just mean I never had to go through life with any of _the_ standard misfortunes. You know - the abusive parents, dealing with parents who had serious substance abuse or had to deal with terminal illnesses, being bullied in school - the standards of a _classic_ , _shounen protagonist_.

I don’t think anyone could convince me, even now, that I was anything other than lucky. My new parents were loving and supportive, never divorced, rarely fought, indulged in my brothers and I in whatever we wanted (within reason), and taught us many cherished lessons. I know it wasn’t simple, I know all the reasons in intimate, serrated detail of how my brothers and I ended up with our _lucky_ lives; ones where we were respected in the village, never had to think about where our next meal would come, new clothes and shoes when we wanted them.

I know there are an infinite number of places to begin any story, to begin _my story_. Don’t worry, I won’t be going into the nasty details of childbirth, I’ll spare you this time.

Three important things happened to me between ages three and six. The first was when my parents placed me under the care of a young man Genma and three newly graduated genin. In an effort to entertain me, the rambunctious pre-teen of the trio named Wakaro unleashed a Water Bullet Jutsu. His miscalculations led to the burst of water bouncing off the side of our apartment building and hitting me square in the face, and I couldn’t recall much of anything after that.

“I’m so sorry!” Wakaro always took the pains to explain what had happened that day every time he saw me – by which he meant he’d never meant to hurt me. Sometimes I thought back to the day fondly, when there were three of them: Wakaro, Ren, and Tenka. During those years I had them as babysitters, pretending to be the normal child I wasn’t, I was learning what it meant to be a shinobi. Possibly at the pinnacle, what I didn’t want to be.

The birth of my two twin little brothers was the second important thing that happened to me in the June before my fourth birthday. Tenka’s death was the third.

To think of something happening to my brothers was especially frightening. If I could’ve helped it, I would’ve hidden them far away from anything remotely related to the dangerous profession. Considering my parents were shinobi themselves, it would’ve been an impossible task.

The thought of becoming a _ninja_ was enough to churn my stomach. And the thought of my parents as _ninjas,_ as _murderers,_ chilled me to the bone. Chunks spewing past them, every spurt staining their skin, their clothes, until they were no longer recognizable. I’d always go back to the deformed limbs of Tenka laying there on the ground. Her mouth formed in a silent scream of terror and anguish, the tears flowing from her lifeless eyes. Sometimes, Tenka was replaced by my two brothers, and other times it was me laying in a pool of red.

I wish I could say things would have turned out better if I had stayed away from the shinobi life. As it was, however, Miyuna’s life since day one was saturated with it.

Tenka hadn’t played a prominent role in my new life early on. In fact, all three of them hadn’t. I never did appreciate them, not until I was much older, and nowadays guilt would well up inside of me for all the awful ways I had treated them.

The trio and their lackadaisical sensei Genma had only occupied a small fraction of my early days as a toddler, and as the years went on, I saw them even less. They were side characters, fillers, in Miyuna’s story. Even though Wakaro – with his outrageous avocado-green colored hair, his rambunctious, kind of dumb personality – seemed to have all the makings of a shounen protagonist, he hadn’t particularly been present in my life. Ren moved in and out of my life like a shadow. I’d see him picking out groceries at a street vendor like it was some daily occurrence and the next day he’d disappear like he hadn’t existed in the first place. For Tenka, while she was alive and my babysitter, I dreaded her – her high-pitched squeals, the way she always liked to play dress-up with me, and especially the way she babied me.

Her death happened only a week before I turned six. If the day had gone as planned, it would have faded away unmarked, swallowed whole to be put in a collection of other foggy childhood memories. What do I remember of that day now? The most frivolous details, to the point of being aggravating. It had rained during the night, a terrible storm, the dirt paths were all soft with water making them nearly impossible to walk on, and several areas of the town close to the rivers and lakes were flooded. My brothers and I were again left in the care of our next-door neighbor, Old Lady Nerimizu, while Hirana and Asahi were away at work; the four of us were taking a stroll down Main Street. The wind felt damp and sharp, befitting of a dreary autumn day.

The day started out feeling like a good day; a great day, actually. It was a Friday in October, and despite the dreary weather it was the first day that had really felt like autumn. The village we lived in, Konohagakure, was a spectacular sight in autumn. On a clear day, the blue sky seemed infinite, and rows of changing trees would flank the sides of roads in a picturesque scene of reds, oranges, and yellows.

We’d been outside for at least two hours. I had been keeping Old Lady Nerimizu busy, singing songs about flowers and the alphabet, at other times, I zipped along, telling her stories or asking her to tell me stories. Sometimes Tobari and Jomei listened to the stories, but most times they tottered hand-in-hand next to us and chattered amongst themselves in broken speech and some secret lingo only the two of them knew.

“I don’t know about you,” she said to me, “but this cold, rainy weather has been making my joints ache. If it’s alright with you, I’d like to take a break on that bench over there, Yuna-chan.”

I smiled up at her, “I think it’s supposed to clear up tomorrow.”

“Well here in Konoha, this is only the beginning,” she heaved a big sigh, “I wish it was summer already.”

“Nerimizu-obaachan, it’s only October.” I giggled.

“Don’t remind me.”

I liked Old Lady Nerimizu. She was the only civilian in our apartment complex: a thin, lively old lady, light-skinned. Her husband was a blacksmith, who passed away several years back; her only son was off in the town over, carrying on his father’s shop while she had moved back to Konoha, to the village she was born and raised in.

“Yuna-chan, why don’t you go get us a little snack at one of the stalls, preferably something warm if you can.” She asked, pressing a few loose bills into my hands.

I’m not sure what compelled me to stray far from where Nerimizu sat with my brothers on that bench. There were several food vendors within a few meters of where we were. I had pocketed the money she gave me, ignoring the dazzling looks on my brothers as they yelled out specific requests, and I scurried off down Main Street in search of a snack.

It all went back to that day, that moment, a door between before and after. I can’t help believing, at some level deeper, that I wouldn’t have turned out the way I did without that day.

I whipped past delivery boys struggling to push carts laden with goods and exasperated-looking women trying to avoid giant puddles with their arms full of groceries who were screaming at their kids to stop jumping in said puddles. I was high, elated - like a dog in her zoomies. The night before, while our apartment was being pelted with rain and high winds, Asahi had plopped me in his lap to teach my brothers and I about _chakra._ Or as I liked to call it, magic. The whole idea of having magic had me giddy in excitement. Asahi clearly regretted his decision when I launched into strings of endless questions concerning the limitations of the magic - “First off, Yuna-chan, I just said it wasn’t magic and that it’s called _chakra._ It’s inherent in all living things” - at that I had jumped into the question if that meant a tree or my mother’s herbs had chakra too. I watched Asahi take a long-drawled breath before deciding to enlighten me: “Yes, in all living things. Shinobi, like your mother and I, use it to serve many purposes, such as healing and producing elements through specific techniques like the way Wakaro-kun used to summon water.” Hirana who had been out of our conversation, lighting candles and glowsticks for us since the power had gone out, turned to me in laughter: “Yuna-chan, this is the first time I’ve seen you more excited than your brothers.” I blushed at her comment and sunk lower into Asahi’s lap, returning to my usual quietness.

I realized in my giddiness to practice finding and summon magic, I had ended up nearly walking out of the village.

“Woah there, little lady, there’s no going out of these gates unless you’re with a parent and you’ve got special permission which by the looks of it, you have neither.”

I gave a squeak when I felt someone pluck me up by the back of my shirt like a mother cat would do to a little kitten.

Being the _easy-to-freak_ and _always the goody-two-shoes,_ I instinctively let Miyuna launch into a mix of sobbing apologies and babbling mess of explanations - “I wasn’t trying to leave the village. I just wasn’t paying attention to where I was going because I was thinking about this cool magic trick my dad showed me. He told me it was called _chakra,_ and I’m trying to figure out how he did, and I’m really struggling-“

“Okay, okay, little lady. I get it, stop it with those crocodile tears. There’s no need for that, just pay attention next time.

He pointed to the other end of his table. It took me a second to figure out he wanted me to go stand there.

“You working on your chakra? I gotta open the gates for some people coming through, but afterwards let me see if I can help you out. That sound good to you?”

I merely bobbed my head at him and faked a pitiful sniffle.

I’d spotted Tenka as soon as the gates opened. She’d seen me, too. She was too thin, all bones and skin, her eyes had bags under them and there was blood on her. A lot of it. I froze, and she shot me a grimace of a smile. Her mouth moved: _Don’t look._ I stiffly glanced at the gatekeeper. He remained stoic, like the blood on the three wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before.

“ _Miyuna-chan,_ ” I perked up at Tenka calling my name. Her dark orbs met mine: a startled, strained look. Suddenly her eyes rolled back, and she was screaming.

Heads whipped to her. Someone behind me cursed: _shit!_ The next instant, a tremendous, earsplitting blast shook the ground. Ren - with a blank look on his face - stumbled towards me, his outstretched arm reaching out to me is the last thing I see as at almost exactly the same moment there was a black flash, with debris sweeping and twisting around me, and a roar of hot wind slammed into me and threw me across the ground.

I don’t know how long I was out for. When I came to, I was flat on my stomach surrounded by dancing flames and falling debris in some dark room, some place I didn’t know. I couldn’t breathe, I had smoke in my lungs and I was choking.

_Help me. Somebody help!_

_Sophie! Where are you, Sophie?_

I rolled over and threw my arms over my mouth and nose with an invigorated bravery to seek out the child calling out for help -- with an airy, surreal jolt -- the fire vanished, and I was staring at a cloudy, blue sky with the bitter cold nipping at my exposed skin.

For a moment I lay too stunned to move. Sirens rang in the muffled distance. My stomach turned, something was badly out of place. My ears rang, and so did my body, an intensely disturbing sensation of my bones and heart all thrumming as if they had just been played like drums. My body seemed to move on its own, twisting itself until I was on my stomach again, and I found myself blinking through layers of dust and smoke at something piled a few feet away from me.

_Drip. Drip. Plop._

Oh, God.


	2. Chapter 2

**_ii._** **_a profound awareness of the universe_ **

The rush of sheer terror, once started, wouldn’t stop. At the heart of the fear was the fact that I could’ve died, one more step forward I would’ve been in the fray of it all. Would I have been reincarnated again? Would I still remember being Miyuna? Sophie? Or would I end up like how I was now - barely being able to recall Sophie’s memories, vague and constantly escaping me like over-stretched noodles, and when you attempt to grab them, they snap and turn into a pile of unrecognizable mush.

After Tenka’s death came a long period - about three days - where nothing made much sense. My memories were dislocated into fragments arranged in no particular order. I remember most vividly Tenka and witnessing a violent death, and yet, the two were wholly separate as two distinct fragments. For the first couple of days, I remember the sensation of burning and choking on smoke. Then, it was a sensation of déjà vu. It felt strangely as if the burning and choking had synchronized from two separate experiences and I could no longer tell which belonged to which, to Sophie or to Miyuna. Then it occurred to me, gradually, the two experiences were mine alone though separate.

I don’t know how long I spent whimpering, trawling desperately through the ragged shards of mind. But at the end of it all, the fragments reassembled themselves, tentatively at first, then with a startling clearness.

There wasn’t anything after death.

Just an emptiness. Only a sick sense that you existed before. It toys at you, tempting you to fill the void only to take it all away again.

Maybe this sounds strange, but my mind wasn’t stuck on the violence of the event. It was everything else: the blood on _her_ clothes, a child who couldn’t have been older than fourteen. And the worse of it all? Around me, over my head, life went on as normal. The vegetable peddler below our apartment was still shouting out the day’s deals every morning. The doorbells, the creaking of the floorboards above us, the residents of our apartment complex coming and going with their same kind smiles or otherwise impassive expressions. Everything was the same.

I did a lot of sleeping during this three-day period mainly because I was sick with a fever, and when I was awake, I usually spent it in bed. During the day it was Hirana who took care of me. She had ditched her routine work hours for a _call-me-if-you-need-me_ schedule. She brought me things: endless bottles of water and juice because I needed to stay hydrated and keep my electrolytes up, favorite snacks, my Kanji practice books to keep my mind busy, picture books to keep me entertained, new stuffed animals, poorly drawn get-well cards made by my brothers. Her hands were always stroking my hair or resting on some part of my body.

Her affections, and especially the look of pity she gave me, drove me crazy, and I loathed myself for feeling this way.

I suppose it stemmed from the fact I was having an existential crisis. Why would I even invest in these relationships if at the end of it all, I wouldn’t even remember them? Then as if someone had slapped me, I realized this was a real messed-up way of thinking.

I put a lot of willpower into covering everything up. That I was having an existential crisis, that Tenka’s death had propelled me to have disturbing thoughts, that I felt suffocated by Hirana’s affections. Occasionally the façade slipped, and I’d jerk away from Hirana’s touch, feeling a sudden burst of fury at the world.

I was such a brat, and I loathed this too.

To top it all off, I was having these mysterious, haunting dreams, like visions. I could hardly tell if they were real or the result of an overactive imagination – maybe I was just making this all up, my reincarnation and all. I dreamt of a family. An older woman and man stood before me. I could see them so clearly, down to the most minute detail, the very pattern of her freckles and her dimples when she smiled; the curls of his short hair and the speckled details of his hazel eyes. My back was to them, but I saw their reflections in a mirror. Our eyes met in the glowing reflection and they were speaking to me animatedly with amusement and affection, but I could never make out their words - and then like the end of all good dreams I’d wake up to the sun bearing down on my face.

On the last and worst of these nights, I dreamt I was padding through water, heavy and ice-cold. A white figure sat at the opposite end, and I was thinking in a mixed-up way of how I needed to reach him. I kept sloshing forward in the water until I was neck deep. Then something grabbed at my ankle and I was dragged beneath the water.

I woke with a jolt - terrified, flailing, struggling to swim up towards the surface for oxygen. I was in my bed: blanket twisted between my legs, shivering from how cold our apartment was. My throat felt like it was lined with sandpaper.

I laid still for a long time, gripping fistfuls of my bedsheet and fighting not to cry. I knew I could scream or make any noise, and someone would come, but I quickly pushed the thought away, thinking about how I was much too old to cry from a simple nightmare.

Sore, weak, shivering, I slid out of my covers. My stomach scrambled with a sinking feeling, and my heart raced at even the most innocent noises: the creak of the floorboards, the wind rustling the trees, the faint chirping of birds outside. For a moment, I thought there might’ve been someone else awake in our apartment, so I mumbled a weak _hello?_ No reply.

The hallway was dark. To my left, the hallway led out to the common area: kitchen, eating area, living room, and also our door. I blinked rapidly into the darkness trying to discern if there was anyone there or not - someone knocked, and a spasm of fear nearly ripped a scream from my throat.

Then, I was swamped by a tidal wave of relief when I realized it was someone next door. Still, the urge to turn on all the lights was far too much to resist. Once the entire hallway was well-lit, I walked into the bathroom.

I didn’t want to make a lot of noise, so I nudged the water faucet just enough to give a trickle of water. I grimaced at the iciness. I cupped my hands under and collected enough water to swish it around in my mouth before spitting it out. The cold hitting my gums was oddly comforting even though it hurt. Sort of like how you’d pinch yourself to see if you were dreaming our not, the pain told me I was still very much alive.

I caught my own reflection in the bathroom mirror. All that prettiness had left Miyuna’s face. Pale from the lack of sleep, dark blue circles under my eyes which made them appear yellower than golden, my cheeks hollowed out and my jawline was more pronounced, I grimaced at the sight.

On my way out of the bathroom, I considered going into Hirana and Asahi’s bedroom. Their door, directly across from our one bathroom, was firmly closed, and from the other side I could hear their light snores. _No point in disturbing someone else just because I can’t sleep._ I padded into the living room, curled up on the couch with a nearby blanket and picked up my hiragana practice book from where it had been left days ago on the coffee table. Nothing useful was absorbing character-wise, but that was okay. I took comfort in the repetitiveness of copying the characters, the dullness anaesthetized me without sending me completely under.

I was finishing up my seventh character when Asahi appeared, the sudden sound of his voice startled me so much I sent my book flying to the ground. “Miyuna, why are you awake so early?”

He didn’t apologize for scaring me. An unspoken _well?_ hung heavily in the air. The silence stretched, and I realized he wouldn’t break it until I did.

“I couldn’t sleep.” I said, finally, as I picked up my abused practice book. “Why are you awake so early?”

“I have to go to work.” He said without missing a beat.

“Can I come to work with you?”

“You want to come to work with me, at this ungodly hour?” He sounded genuinely stunned.

“You’re going at this ungodly hour.” For a moment, I thought he would scold me for my cheek. Five years ago, a year ago, three days ago, during any of those times, I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to agitate him, would’ve been too much of a goody-two-shoes to do it. I didn’t used to be like this. I’ve always had a temper on me, but I’ve always kept it under control, no matter how hard I had to bite down. I blinked at Asahi’s quirked eyebrow and thought, very detachedly, _what the fuck is wrong with me?_

“That’s because it’s my work.” He looked marginally more tired than he did before. “Fine, go get dressed and brush your teeth quickly.”

I detangled myself from the blanket as fast as I can. I didn’t need him to doubt his invitation, and I didn’t trust him enough to know he wouldn’t simply leave me if I wasn’t quick enough. By the time my face was all washed up, teeth cleaned, and I was bundled up in the warmest clothes I could find, Asahi was waiting by the front door, bundled up in his own way - a beige scarf I had seen Hirana knit for him around his neck. _Cute._

It was bitterly cold outside. The wool coat thrown over my clothes wasn’t exactly warm enough to be comfortable. I had stupidly left behind my mittens because I couldn’t find them, and I could feel my hands cracking in the icy wind so I did the only thing I could do, shove them in my coat pocket.

“Regret coming to work with me yet? It’s not too late to turn around.” I knew perfectly what he was trying to do, I could name every trick he was trying to pull. The guilt-trip, the way he dodged my attempts to stick myself to him for warmth, the way he constantly teased me about how warm and comfortable our apartment was.

He didn’t have to go through all that, I regretted coming with him the moment I stepped outside, but I wasn’t about to let him know it. “I’m fine,” I mumbled.

“You sure about that? I can see you shaking.”

“Yes.”

“If you say so.” He quirked a knowing smirk down at me.

I followed him through the village, absently observing my surroundings. This lasted only a little while before I became unnerved by the silence, so I began pointing to signs with characters I didn’t recognize. “What does that sign say?” If I was being an annoyance to his otherwise quiet, peaceful morning, Asahi was too stoic and graceful enough to not make an indication to it. “Grocery store…metalsmith’s shop…clothing store…” he named them off.

I kept this up until the road narrowed then opened up to a grand-looking building with a red rounded roof. There were two men standing on either side of the entrance, one yawning while the other was staring blankly into the fading night sky. When we were close enough to be noticed, they stiffened into a hasty salute. I assumed it was because Asahi was their superior.

“What does that say?” Asahi directed my attention up to the top of the building where a large character hung on a round sign.

“Fire.” I recognized it instantly. It wasn’t one of the 46 phonetic hiragana characters, but it was one of the basic kanji characters Hirana had taught me early on: two dots slashing inwards facing lines that were shaped like the kanji character for _person_ with a longer top.

Asahi gave a quiet, little laugh. “Very good. This is the Hokage’s building. My building is the one next door, the one with the blue roof.”

I always took Asahi as an office-worker type for some reason. He just seemed like he’d be able to take those long hours doing nothing but paperwork – he was kind of _plain_ like that. This was the first time I’d ever set foot in Asahi’s workplace. Outside, the building wasn’t particularly noteworthy except for being beside one that was.

“Welcome to Konoha’s _kokudo anzen hoshō_ (Homeland Security), though you’re too young to understand what that means yet.” Asahi said with little fanfare.

“It means _kokudo anzen hoshō_.” I sounded the unfamiliar words out carefully.

“Repeating it doesn’t count as defining it, Yuna-chan.” He laughed amusedly as he plopped one of his large, warm heads on top of my head out of affection,

The front doors opened up to a lobby with a receptionist area, currently empty. There was nothing particularly memorable about the place at all. Down the hallway, there were several rooms, one opened up to Asahi’s spacious office with a view facing towards the dense forest behind the building.

My eyes instantly went to the elderly man sitting on the couch on the far-right side of his office. He sat with his feet planted apart and his hands resting on top of his wooden cane. He looked intimidating yet sickly with his bandaged look, and there was a noticeable large scar on his chin.

The smile the old man shot me unnerved me a bit. “Good morning.”

“Danzo, what do I owe the pleasure this morning?” My skin pricked at the coldness in Asahi’s voice.

“Is that your eldest?” he asked as he approached the two of us. “What’s your name little one?”

“Miyuna Shimewari.” I tried to answer evenly, but it felt like all the oxygen had gone from the room and I was struggling to breathe.

“That’s a pretty name.” His closed-eye smile seemed to get faker by the second.

“Let’s cut the formalities, what do you want Danzo?” Asahi sneered.

I tried to remain impassive as Asahi’s grip grew tighter and tighter, digging into my shoulders painfully. I felt like a stress-toy he was desperately trying to pour his emotions into so that he could keep up his mask of indifference. Something swirled viciously in the pit of my stomach. I wanted this Danzo-guy to leave, and I was furious enough that I wanted to scream, break something, to grab the man by his robe and drag him out of the room and slam the door in his face. But I was much too old to get away with a temper tantrum, and I had no way of knowing how this man or Asahi would react.

I swallowed thickly; something was badly wrong here. Whoever this man was, he was making Asahi on edge, the perfectly-always-calm Asahi who never let anything faze him. I had more than enough sense to let the man have his way. My mind was reeling. I tried to shift around so I could hug Asahi’s leg and play the “I’m tired” card to break the tension between the two, but Asahi was pinching my shoulders so hard I couldn’t move at all.

“I thought I raised you with better manners than that.”

I stilled at his words. This man was my grandfather? I eyed the man’s face carefully, the two had no significant similarities physically.

“Pretty sure you also taught me how to tell when someone is faking pleasantries.” Asahi jabbed at the man again.

“And here I thought your brother was the smart one. I’m here for the report on the death of that girl at the gates, I believe her name was Tenka.” The man drawled, in a teasing tone that I could tell was meant to unnerve Asahi.

 _Brother?_ I couldn’t remember anyone mentioning an uncle to me. At the following silence, my heart went cold. There was a shut-up heaviness overweighing the room, the exact, suffocating feel that had pervaded the last three days I’d been holed up in our apartment. I knew this stillness. This was how the air felt when someone had died.

“I’m putting the finishing touches on it. I’ll deliver it personally when it’s done so no need for you to show up here again.” Asahi said.

The man brushed past us. Asahi pulled me closer to him as if touching this man would cause something catastrophic. “I know you’re busy these days but do try to stop by and visit me once in a while, I get lonely, and bring your adorable children with you, I’d like to get to know them.”

“You’re lonely? That’s fucking hilarious.”

“Bye, bye now little one.” Danzo ignored the insult without so much as a twitch.

“Bye, bye, take care.” I said, making myself sound as confident and clueless as I could. But the man seemed to sense the game I was playing, because he turned quite suddenly. Though he had the physicality of a sickly, elderly man he had something that clearly said he wasn’t to be messed with. He gave a wry smirk.

“This one’s cute, I like her. At least your wife seems to be teaching your kids something. I heard your twin boys are really cute too.”

And just like that, he was gone, his body fading into the darkness of the hallway as he walked away.

The whole encounter left me limp and dazed with anxiety. I had so many burning questions, but I could feel Asahi’s hitched breaths as if he was trying to regain calmness. His hands were shaking on my shoulders. I was afraid that any question would send him over the edge, and he’d erupt in a fury of emotions.

Asahi sighed heavily and made his way over to collapse on the couch, dropping his head into his palms. “And here I thought today might’ve been a good day.”

I padded softly after him, feeling awful for him. “Are you okay?” At this he glanced up at me, mildly amused.

“As much as I hate that man, I have to agree with him, you really are cute.” He reached over with a startling speed and lifted me into his lap. I flailed a little at the suddenness of his embrace. “When did you get so big? Pretty soon you’re going to be too big to sit on my lap.”

I shifted uncomfortably as he tried to lay me across his lap as if he was cradling a newborn baby. Eventually, despite my fuss, he forced me into the position he wanted. I was awkwardly too big, with my legs hanging off his legs and my head barely fitting in the crook of his elbow. It wasn’t cute like it used to be, it was just plain uncomfortable.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“It’s too early to talk about him. I need some coffee, and you need a couple hours more of sleep.” I knew this trick of his too - changing the topic to distract me from what I was looking for.

I decided I wasn’t going to play the goody-two-shoes this time. “But I’m not tired, and I don’t want to sleep.” I pouted up at him.

“Is that so? Come on, close your eyes and give it a try.” Asahi pulled me tight against him and began stroking my back as if I was his favorite cat.

I didn’t actually fall asleep the way Asahi wanted me to. He gave up trying to convince me to sleep after a couple of minutes and eventually left me laying on his couch while he got started on the stacks of paper on his desk. I was good at sitting quiet and still to begin with, so I was perfectly content faking sleep while he shuffled about working. I think he was convinced that eventually I would get bored and then sleepy, but my mind was far too restless to even think about sleeping.

My mind was desperately fighting against one side that was dangerously close to falling back into the images of things I was so desperately trying to repress. The other side was stuck in a rewind of thoughts that filled me with dread, the blaring topic was _ninjas._ I knew, even if I wanted to pretend that I didn’t, that Miyuna becoming a ninja was highly probable, after all, both her parents were ninjas. From my early observations, being a ninja was pretty common in Miyuna’s world. The three musketeers and their lackadaisical teacher had made it clear to me when I was three that becoming a ninja was seen as the honorable thing. I _didn’t_ disagree. Protecting people who couldn’t protect themselves, I can’t think of anything else being more honorable than that. The thing is, I knew all this, and I even agreed that it was the honorable thing to do, but I just couldn’t reconcile myself with that kind of life.

I didn’t feel great about it. I admit it. I’m selfish. Trust me, it’s with great pain that I come to the conclusion that I would rather let someone else risk their lives so I could live a peaceful _non-ninja_ life. Was this so wrong? I liked Asahi and Hirana and my two new brothers. I liked the little life we were starting to have together. Becoming a ninja would just ruin it all.

I knew the three musketeers were around twelve when they babysat me, and already they had been declared official ninjas. This meant I would have about six more years before I would end up in their position if I matched their timeline. Six more years to figure out how not to become a ninja.


	3. Chapter 3

**_iii._ ** **_a dull ache of the soul_**

I was flat on my stomach, on some dark, dirt road. My neck was twisted to the side and I ached all over, but that wasn’t the worst of it; I was breathing in smoke and I was choking. _Where am I?_ I blinked through the haze, there was something emerging from the darkness before me.

_A deformed limb, torn and peeled off, the skin first and then the bones as if they had been gnawed off._

It was Tenka. She was trying to say something to me with her opened mouth, but her head dangled backwards with the other half of her body twisted on the ground like a dirty pile of laundry. I reached out to her, and then I stopped, not knowing what to do.

“Mi-“ she said thickly. Her voice was very faint, scratchy and out-of-breath.

With a benumbed heaviness like my limbs were wading through water, I began to crawl closer to her again. She reeked - a rotten smell of burnt hair mixed with the smell of burnt ham.

“-orry-“ my eyes trained on her lips.

“Don’t talk, save your strength,” I said agitated, “someone will help you soon and then you’ll be okay.”

Her eyes rolled up, and she exhaled deeply. At the end of her breath, she sank down like a deflated balloon. I waited, ten seconds, twenty seconds, thirty - her chest didn’t move.

“Tenka? Can you hear me?” I grew frantic again, close to tears.

I wanted to shake, but I wasn’t sure if her extensive injuries would get worse if I did, so I grabbed her hand instead. The skin felt craggy and bloody, but it was warm. I sat there and looked at her face, not knowing what to do.

“Tenka?” I called one last time, bending close and reaching my fingers over her parted, bloodied mouth. There was nothing.

_Drip, drip, plop._

I don’t know how long it took to fall asleep or how long I was out. When I came to, I had no clue where I was. My head pounded, and my mouth felt dry and sour. The gore was gone, and I was face down on a plush couch.

“You awake, Miyuna-chan?” I blinked blearily at Asahi who still remained at his desk. The first thing I noticed was that his stacks of paper had grown, now towering well over his head on either side of his desk.

For a moment I wanted to deny I was awake and sleep more, and I would’ve done just that if he stopped talking to me. I was exhausted, the nightmares of Tenka’s death had been getting in the way of anything that could be considered quality sleep.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Asahi asked with a subtle teasing drawl. “You missed breakfast and you’re about to miss lunchtime. I thought I’d take you to get tempura udon, but if you’re still asleep guess I’ll just have to leave without you. I’m getting really hungry myself.”

I huffed and decided that I better sit up before Asahi took more drastic measures. Sleepily, I rubbed my eyes, then blinked up at Asahi who was suddenly towering over me. _One. Two. HOLY SHIT!_ By the time my sleep-deprived brain realized what had just occurred - that Asahi had somehow teleported himself silently and very quickly next to me - the urge to scream had already died into a half-swallowed yelp.

Asahi looked a little apprehensive, like he was expecting me to scream still. A beat passed before he dropped a warm hand against my back in an awkward attempt to comfort me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay,” I murmured up to him.

His expression was soft and kind, more than normal. I’m not sure I had seen him this way before.

“You’ll tell me when you’re feeling sad, won’t you?” I flinched violently at what he was implying. I didn’t know how to answer that.

Obviously, Asahi knew how depressed I’d been in the last few days. He’d have to be blind and a bad father not to. “Talking out my feelings” wasn’t something I took lightly. It came with a vast complex constellation of other feelings, other thoughts, and I had no way of knowing how he’d react to how I felt. A part of me was pleased that he cared about me under his usual impassiveness. The other part of me was sinking in guilt. I didn’t want him to have to worry about me. I’d already robbed him of a daughter, a normal girl who’d grow up to be a ninja they could be proud of. I couldn’t inconvenience them anymore.

Asahi sighed. He then shot me a quick, searching glance; when he realized I wasn’t about to talk or cry or whatever he had in mind, he moved on as if there wasn’t a sudden depressive mood in the air between us, “Ready for some udon?”

I nodded, more than happy to have moved on from the topic. The anxiety that had bubbled up from his question deflated out of me, leaving a nasty emptiness at the bottom of my stomach. I knew he’d bring it up again. But for now, I was safe.

I was surprised to find that the day was shaping up to be a gorgeous day; the sun was drying up the dampness from last week’s heavy rain and it was so quiet I could hear leaves rustling. Asahi let me trail behind him for a bit, and I’d been content in half-paying attention to where he was leading me and letting my mind spin helplessly on what I needed to accomplish. I felt like I wasted the first five years of Miyuna’s life already. I’d been complacent with how things had progressed as Miyuna without ever going out of my way to understand this world. _What can I do?_

I flinched as a particularly cruel gust bit right into me. In an instant, I snuggled myself against Asahi’s arm, bringing myself as close as possible to him for body heat without literally latching onto him. I couldn’t miss the way Asahi’s lips quirked upwards in a sly smile.

“Cold?”

I scrutinized his outfit carefully. He wore what he had this morning - no coat, only a pair of simple navy trousers that seemed professional and sleek but also felt as if they were sweatpants and a forest green tunic that reached just to his upper-mid thigh. His attire didn’t seem nearly enough to keep him warm. He didn’t even have the scarf on from this morning.

“Aren’t you cold?” I narrowed my eyes at him in suspicion.

“Not at all, it’s because I have chakra. Do you remember what chakra is, Yuna-chan?”

I perked up at the mention of chakra. A faint feeling of excitement bubbled in my stomach. At his question, I launched into a string of words that he had used to explain the concept, “It’s inherent in all living things. Shinobi use it for many purposes, like healing and producing elements through specific techniques.”

He seemed shocked for a moment but then he relaxed into hearty laughter, “Repeating it doesn’t count. Do you understand it? Although it is impressive that you were able to remember that word for word.”

“It’s something that everyone has, and you can learn to use it to do many things.” The snarky response came out before I could stop myself.

He laughed again. “Alright, alright, I believe you.”

I huffed and decided not to respond, and after a moment Asahi carefully led my attention back to our conversation about chakra.

“Anyways, chakra,” he began slowly, knowing I hadn’t been nearly appeased enough yet. “I can move chakra around within my body relatively easily, the faster I move it, the more heat I can generate within my body to keep me warm in the winter by a process called _masatsu (friction)._ The same process that happens when you rub your hands together quickly to generate heat. Alternatively, if I slow my chakra flow down, then my body will stay cooler in the summer.”

The two of us shared an awkward beat of staring into each other’s eyes before I realized I’d gone too deep in thought trying to comprehend everything and forgot about everything around me, including that it was rude to stare, and I’d stopped walking.

“Are you trying right now?” He asked amusedly with a subtle raise of an eyebrow. “Do you even know how?”

“I have a question.” I blurted out bluntly.

“Alright, shoot.”

“Does everyone use this trick? Does this mean that ninjas exert more energy in the winter when it’s super cold than in the summer when it’s super-hot? What about when ninjas have to do their special ninja techniques, doesn’t that take chakra, so then if it’s super-hot and ninjas move their chakra slower, does that make their techniques slower and less powerful? What about-“

“Woah hold on. That was not _a_ question.” He interrupted with a mirthful look in his eyes before I could keep going. “And I’m not sure if I want to spare your teacher the fun of answering all those questions. Besides, we’re at the udon place.”

I realized that the more questions I asked the more other questions popped in my head, and I couldn’t stop. _Gosh, I’m so immature._ I dug my chin down so I couldn’t see Asahi’s amused reaction and so he couldn’t see my face getting hot.

 _Wait._ “My teacher?” I popped my head up again in curiosity.

“You’ll be six next week, that means you’ll officially be able to enter the ninja academy this upcoming spring in April.”

 _The what now?_ The slightly peppier mood I had been in dispersed at the word “ninja academy.” Of course school was a thing, I told myself, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. But this didn’t change the fact that it felt like a ton of bricks was just poured on top of me. _April, huh?_ That would mean about six months for me to figure things out as compared to the original six years I thought I had.

“What’s this? For such a curious mind like yours, I’d have thought you’d like school. You’ll have a teacher who will be knowledgeable about chakra and ninja techniques, more than me, and he or she will literally be paid to answer all your questions. Doesn’t that seem nice?” Asahi squatted down so we were on eye-level, but I quickly averted my eyes to my feet, not wanting to look at him.

I felt almost betrayed. He should’ve known how I’ve been feeling and still he would force me? How could he feel so impassive about shoving a kid, his own kid, to a life of violence? I grew furious but I was careful not to show it, I wasn’t sure if I succeeded though because Asahi was a master at creating impassive masks. As quickly as the fury rose, it fell away like a receding wave only to return again and again. I couldn’t blame Asahi for thinking this way, he grew up with these ideals. He didn’t know it was wrong because it was never taught that way to him. But he should know. If he’d been thrown into the shinobi lifestyle as a kid, he should know, the violence should scare him, everything should’ve told him that this was wrong. Why didn’t he understand? Why couldn’t he understand?

I was immobile, stunned with despair. It was - this was - this news shocked me, in the bad way. It felt as if that just as I came to a rocky understanding and acceptance of one thing, there was another thing shoved onto my plate.

“Hey, hey, remember you said you’d tell Tou-san when you’re feeling sad? What’s wrong now?”

I shrugged. “It’s nothing.”

“Ehhh?” Asahi stretched out the syllable in a purely ornamental way. His hands shot under my armpits quicker than I could dive away from him, and I was shifted onto one of his arms. I squirmed to get comfortable, and he let me wrap my arms around his neck in a hug.

“You know, Yuna-chan” he began softly, “your mother and I were born during the Second Great Ninja War. I was left orphaned at only a few weeks old with my twin brother. We didn’t even get a chance to know our parents because they were killed in the war so quickly after we were born. That’s how we came into the care of Danzo, that old man from this morning. He didn’t give me or my brother a choice, we had to become a ninja. We had to serve the village. We were put through incredibly harsh training at a young age, and the old bastard would physically beat us if we didn’t meet his expectations. And then by the time we were your age, we were sent off to war before either of us could even understand what was going on in the world.”

The idea of what Asahi went through at my age bent my brain. Was this really the world I had been reincarnated in? Hot bile pressed at the back of my throat. I’m lucky, I repeated to myself like a mantra, _I’m_ _so fucking lucky._

“My brother and I had seen countless deaths and killed enemies before we were seven. We didn’t think about what we had done. We couldn’t even comprehend it. All we knew was that we had to follow the orders given to us if we wanted to stay alive. We needed to kill before the enemies killed us. It took me a while, but in the end,” he paused to take a deep breath, “I was finally able to understand why I had become a shinobi. Being a shinobi is scary, I won’t lie to you, I was scared all the time back then, and I get scared now too sometimes. But I know now that I became a shinobi so that one day, I could protect you, Tobari-chan, and Jomei-chan. When I think of you and your brothers’ sweet faces and innocent laughter, I’m not so scared anymore, and I know I’ve chosen the right path.”

I didn’t know how to react. I squeezed my watery eyes shut, trying to collect my thoughts. Asahi gave a curt laugh, but his air of melancholy evaporated; you could feel his content despite everything, it radiated off him. “It’s been a while since I was able to be honest with anyone. Thanks for listening, Yuna-chan.”

“I-“ I began, but then stopped. I was determined to plow on and make a point, but no words were coming to me. There was nothing I could say to him that would make what he had gone through any better, I couldn’t offer him any comfort.

Asahi didn’t seem to mind my quietness. “Ready for some udon-“

“I’m not ready. I don’t want to become a ninja.” I murmured to him, so quietly I thought he hadn’t heard me.

He hummed softly. “That’s okay. I don’t think anyone is ever really ready. You still have to go to school because that’s a requirement, and you need to learn how to read and write and do basic math equations. But in the end after you graduate, you can find another profession.” He replied, equally soft. “ _I’ll find_ _you_ another profession. There are plenty of other roles shinobi fulfill. For example, your mother is an herbalist, she makes medicine for the people in our village. There are also a ton of shinobi who end up going into research and development, which is all about decoding an enemy’s jutsu. I bet you’d fit right in with your curious mind.”

A beat of silence passed.

“What happened to Uncle?” I asked.

“Yuto was his name. He died when we were fifteen. I named you after him. But his “yu” was the character for courage, I gave you the “yu” character for dream because Kaa-chan and Tou-chan wanted you to be able to achieve all your dreams no matter how big they are just like how Yuto had strived to do. And of course, we wanted you to be pretty too so we gave you the character “mi” so our girl could grow up to be pretty and kind.” Asahi explained, rubbing my back as if he was trying to lull me to sleep. If I hadn’t already knocked out earlier for a few hours, I might’ve fallen asleep from the soothing motion actually. “Now, are you ready for udon? And do you mind if I set you down? You’re a little too heavy for me now. My arms are dying.”

I huffed. _Heavy? Doesn’t he know not to call girls that._ “Deal with it.”

“Ehhhh?”

Just like that, the gloom was gone between us.

“Look it’s Kaa-chan and Mei-chan and Toba-chan.” He immediately squatted down and detangled my arms from around his neck.

I didn’t have time to pout because the twins were already on Asahi. “Tou-chan!” They screeched in excitement like they hadn’t just seen him last night.

While the twins butted me out of Asahi’s arms, I ran up to Hirana and threw myself at her waist in a hug. She deserved it after I’d been so bratty around her lately.

“Looks like you had a good day with Tou-chan.” Hirana slung both of her arms around me to return my hug.

“I did. I had a good nap.”

I weaned myself on Asahi’s words that I could pursue other significantly-less violent professions (that everything was going to be okay, that I wasn’t going to be forced into a profession that made me puke every time I thought about it). I felt better about things. When Hirana and Asahi began to talk to me about the certain prerequisites I needed to meet for ninja school, my heart hadn’t dropped to the floor like it usually did during talks like this. And after we finished our udon lunch, when Asahi weaved his hands for the Body Flicker Jutsu I hadn’t even flinched when he disappeared in a puff of smoke. In my mind, none of it mattered, because I wasn’t going to become a ninja. I was never going to become a ninja.

As if things were easy like that. That I could say something like that, and things would just happen exactly like I wanted.

I should know by now. Life never goes the way you want it to.

Everything had felt surreal, dream-like, the disorientation of being in the wrong world had been wearing me down. It still was. Over and over, I had kept thinking during those three days of how I needed to escape this world. Then my heart would drop, _I can’t._ Every time, I had thought I would be okay, that being Miyuna Shimewari wasn’t so bad, I would always find myself running into the same dead end.

_And this is only the beginning. This was nothing compared to what’s to come._


	4. Chapter 4

**iv.** **sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees**

My sixth birthday was a small affair. I’d gotten various presents from people I had never met but knew were friends of my parents. Hirana had gotten me the same chocolate cake I always died over, and she’d let me eat as much of it as I wanted, only stopping me when she thought I was getting too jittery from the sugar.

From there on, six months had passed in a blink of an eye. I thought about Tenka often, especially during moments where my mind wasn’t busy. When I went grocery shopping with Hirana in the afternoons, sometimes I thought I saw her signature braid passing in the corners of my vision only to find that I’d just imagined the whole encounter. Hirana had taken me to see Ren and Wakaro in the hospital shortly after my birthday. They were fine, as fine as they could be at least. Wakaro was wrapped head to toe in bandages, he told me he’d have heavy scarring probably for the rest of his life. Ren was missing his left arm, a casualty from the blast, and he’d gone to extremes to explain that it was fine because he was still alive and breathing and that he was right-handed anyways. But still, as soon as I saw his empty side, I burst out into tears. I think my tears were more out of frustration and anger than anything else. I was incredibly upset over the fact that Ren was just okay with it, that losing a friend and his arm was _okay,_ that he and Wakaro considered themselves lucky to have survived with their lives.

I had been inconsolable, even Hirana was at a loss over what to do with me. She was about to drag me out of the room so the boys could have some peaceful rest until Genma, the three musketeers’ jounin sensei from when they were still genin, told me in his softest voice yet, “Tenka wouldn’t have wanted you to be so unhappy, so dry your tears.” And I stopped instantaneously.

I didn’t forget about her, not once during the six months leading up to the academy, and after I had officially entered _ninja school,_ I thought about her even more. Sometimes I imagined her sitting next to me, learning about what a ninja did and how they acted right alongside me. At home, as I did my homework, I imagined certain thoughts she’d have on the material we learned. Would she have accepted everything easily or would she have been scared at the things we were learning?

By April, when I was officially entered into the ninja academy, I’d only just mastered warming myself up using chakra before the weather warmed up, and soon I would have to master slowing my chakra down to cool myself off during the summer. Chakra had been both a fascinating and terrifying topic to learn. It was useful in more ways than I could count, and it was the deadliest thing out there in Miyuna’s world. Besides an enemy mastering powerful jutsu that could burn you alive, swallow you alive - the list can go on forever - Hirana and Asahi stressed that I needed to be careful about how much chakra I was using, too much and I could kill myself.

Chakra is the combination of spiritual energy and physical energy, which means chakra is affected by your emotions and your physical health, therefore your emotions and how fit you are. This also meant that if I used too much chakra equated to drawing too much from my physical energies where you could end up straining and tearing your muscles. If you weren’t careful, you could very easily strain your heart and your other organs and end up dying.

I was eager to learn about chakra from the basics. But my eagerness paled drastically in comparison to the other kids, who thought learning new jutsu and how to throw kunai knives at a target were the coolest things ever. The first week of the ninja academy was awkward and uncomfortable, and I struggled to fit in among the crop of overly ecstatic kids. I wasn’t so easily won over by _their propaganda._

_Being a ninja is heroic. You’re doing your village a great service. You’re protecting the people who can’t protect themselves._

Yeah, this all sounded great. But the teachers never got close to explaining what being a ninja really entailed. I imagined this was how Asahi learned to become a ninja, being filled to the brim with fake heroics and then when push comes to shove, he was literally shoved off the deep end into a life full of violence.

That was enough to make me sick to my stomach. I’d gone home each day with a heavy feeling in my heart and a deep sigh. Nothing had changed from the talk I had with Asahi, if anything I was even more opposed to becoming a ninja now. I was glad that I still had that six years to figure things out, and I was beyond relieved to find out that Asahi understood how I felt, to a point at least.

Today hadn’t been any different. I left school with another deep sigh.

I didn’t see Asahi in his usual waiting spot, so I took that as a sign he was busy today. He was the one that usually picked me up afterschool, because Hirana couldn’t leave her job at the hospital in the middle of her workday as easily. But recently, Asahi was too busy and couldn’t make come and I didn’t bother waiting. We established an unspoken rule that I wouldn’t wait for him for more than five minutes. I always found my way to the hospital where Hirana worked if Asahi wasn’t there to pick me up. She’d gotten into a habit of using me as her own personal delivery service, not that I minded, the extra work kept me busy, the good kind.

Some kids were already running around and starting up a game of _“ninja”_ which was literally just hide n’ seek and tag combined into one game. If only being a ninja was that easy and innocent. I wondered often how many of my classmates truly understood what it was like to become a ninja-

“Hey Mopey-chan, you want to play ninja?” I blinked, mildly surprised at Jin who suddenly stood directly in my path. “We’re missing a person.”

“Mopey-chan? My name is Miyuna.” Honestly, I couldn’t even be mad at the nickname. It was fitting. I’d been nothing but mopey since the start of the school year.

“Yeah, yeah whatever, so you want to play ninja or not?” Jin waved off my comment.

“Hey don’t invite her, she’s so…mopey. She really brings down the mood.” The other kids behind him commented.

“Sorry, maybe next time. I have to go help my mom. Thanks for asking though.” Jin shrugged and ran off as soon as I gave my answer.

I watched my classmates laugh as they chased each other around. The comradery the teachers taught us was nice though. It was the one thing I accepted readily and almost thankfully. We needed to value each other. We needed to learn how to get along and work together even though we disliked one another. It was important for survival. I could do without the last part though - “if you can’t work together you may die”. It wasn’t put as morbidly as that, but it was heavily implied. Too bad the other kids were too dumb to notice.

There were times I seethed in my seat during lessons, my temper radiating off in a dark aura that was almost physically palpable, and the other kids who sensed it avoided me, which wasn’t a bad thing. Many things angered me at the academy. “A ninja is a tool, a ninja must erase all emotions, a ninja must always put the mission first, a ninja must never show any weakness,” this list could go on too. I have no words to describe how angry I was at these _commandments_ as the homeroom teacher I’d been assigned to, Iruka-sensei, read them off and made us repeat after him.

I sighed heavily again. For a brief flicker, I swore I almost heard Asahi’s usual teasing voice telling me that if I kept sighing, I’d turn old and gray before I was ten. I glanced around to be sure, but he was nowhere to be seen.

_I’m going crazy._

I meandered around the village in the general direction of the hospital, focusing more on sticking leaves to my fingers using chakra than the road ahead of me. It was a delicate task. I found that I could pretty easily stick things to my hand and fingers using chakra, but different materials required different amounts. Leaves, for example, were more delicate than metal and wood. Too much chakra would tear the leaf into smithereens. Paper was the same way. But other materials like the wooden kunai Asahi bought me to practice with required more chakra to stick to my palm and much more before it smashed into pieces. I experimented a lot with where I could summon chakra and stick the leaf to myself. I came up with the hypothesis that the density of the material was probably proportional to the amount of chakra needed to stick said material to yourself. In a very unscientific way, I observed that I was right.

_I wonder if I can do this with liquids._

I turned on my heel and started down in the direction towards Naka River. I’d try it out really quick and then I’d go to the hospital.

I was used to walking around the village by myself again. There was a period of time where I had been too scared to leave Hirana’s or Asahi’s side. Early on, I had learned that no one cared that there was kid walking around unsupervised. In a wry voice, I told myself it was because kids my age were expected to be able to kill already. That sent a shiver down my spine.

 _Doesn’t matter, I’m not going to become one of them anyways._ These words had become my sole comfort.

People rarely walked along the riverbank, which I didn’t understand why, it was beautiful there especially with the cherry blossom trees in full bloom. Distantly, I made a note to myself to walk along the river more, at least until the cherry blossoms were gone. The village was pretty in all the seasons, mainly because we were surrounded by so many trees and nature.

I suppose it was a good thing that no one was walking along the riverbank today either. No one was around to judge me or question why I was sticking my hand into the water like a giddy idiot.

I made the Ram hand seal to focus my chakra into my right hand like I’d been taught at the academy. The twelve basic hand seals felt uncomfortable the first week we had been assigned to practice them, but they didn’t feel so bad now.

Water had to be denser than my wooden kunai, because wood floats, but did I have to take into account the surface tension? I shrugged, doesn’t matter, the best way to figure that out was to test things out. First, I’ll start with a lot of chakra and see how the water will react.

When I was satisfied with the amount of chakra I had summoned, I pressed my hand to the surface of the water. I felt giddy with excitement when I found that water could react with my chakra. The water followed my hand, staying attached only around my palm where my chakra was gathered.

“Hey! What are you doing?” _Crap! Was I doing something illegal?_

The water snapped, falling back into the river in a loud splatter. I was glad that I didn’t fall into the river myself from the violent flinch that ripped through me, it would have been hard to explain to Hirana why my clothes were wet. I felt that Asahi and Hirana would’ve been a at least a little mad at me for going so close to the water without telling anyone - what if I fell in and drowned.

“This isn’t a good place to play in the water. It’s deep and the current is faster here. What if you fell in and drowned?” From the deep, scolding voice, I had expected a meaner, stricter looking man. Instead, there sat an aloof looking man against the base of one of the trees along the riverbank behind me. I couldn’t tell much from his face since it was all covered except one eye, and he appeared to be trained on the orange book in his lap. His left eye and the lower half of his face was covered entirely.

I had been sure that no one was around when I started my water experiment. How did I miss him? But he didn’t stop me when I got close to the water, only after I’d been playing with it for a couple of minutes with my chakra. So, did he arrive later? He certainly didn’t look like he just arrived.

“Sorry,” I mumbled as I dried my wet hand against my pant leg. Hopefully by the time I reached the hospital, it’d dry.

I would have to come back to this tomorrow, maybe find a shallow pond or would water from a glass work? Maybe I could ask Asahi to explain the concept behind liquids and chakra.

“Hey!” I flinched again at the same scolding voice.

I glanced at the silver-haired man against the tree.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“No, I’m sorry,” I said, not in the least bit sheepish. Maybe I should at least try to appear guilty.

He sighed, and for a brief moment I thought he was about to scold me harshly, but he went about things as if he couldn’t care less, “I really hope you don’t get so lost in thought while you’re walking, then you really might fall into a river and drown. Anyways, I asked what you were doing, are you going to stand there and ignore me? That’s kind of rude, isn’t it?”

“I was trying to see if I can stick water to my hand using chakra, like the same way I can stick leaves to my hands and fingers. It’s fun.” I didn’t see the point to get all flustered or scared about telling him what I was doing. It was easy to get away with things as a kid. It’s not like I was trying to learn a jutsu way beyond my years.

 _Iruka-sensei just taught us about how to mold chakra and its many uses, I was curious to see what I could use chakra for._ I had my excuse ready in case he asked.

“It’s fun? You don’t sound like you’re having fun. Don’t you have friends?” He asked, he still hadn’t lifted his eye from his book. From this distance, I could make out his book cover, a man chasing a woman in a busty tight dress.

_A romance novel? The cover makes it look like a little more than a romance novel._

“I have to go now; my friends are waiting.” I said confidently.

“Well alright, I’ll let you go, but remember not to play so close to the water next time.”

I was surprised that he didn’t put up a fight to stop me from leaving. I arrived at the hospital within minutes, and as I suspected Hirana had been waiting for me to arrive so she could send me out on an errand.

“You ready for your mission?” She’d taken to calling the errands she sent me out on as _missions._ She was doing it out of good-natural fun and more than once I giggled at her dramatics, when she pretended to be the Hokage. I’d never met the old man personally, but Asahi told me Hirana did one mean impersonation of him.

I bobbed my head at her.

“Well, alright then.” Hirana pulled a scroll out from the pile in her desk drawer - it unraveled to show a map of the village, marked with neat lines in colored highlighter. “Here’s the Nara clan compound. It’s a thirty-minute walk from here. You’re looking for a man named Shikaku Nara-san, he’s got something that I need you to pick up. Think you can handle it?”

“Should I meet you back here or at home?” I stuffed the map Hirana gave me in my school backpack.

“Actually,” I didn’t like the way Hirana was smiling down at me. “I booked you a play date with Shikaku’s son, Shikamaru. So, I’ll be picking you up before dinner.”

“Huh?” I gaped at her unintelligently.

“He’s a sweet kid and really smart, I bet you’d like him if you gave him a chance.”

I gave her a kicked puppy look.

“Don’t look at me like that. Come on, off you go.”

I don’t get along with kids Miyuna’s age. It shouldn’t surprise you; I _was_ reincarnated and all. I’m not a kid. I didn’t have the patience to play with kids or deal with their ignorant ways of thinking. Sometimes, I can’t even understand what kids Miyuna’s age were trying to say to me.

I followed Hirana’s directions to the tee to avoid getting lost, and I was on-route to pass by the academy again. When I got closer to thes school, I noticed that Jin and some other kids were now playing together on the road now. They seemed to be split into two teams of five and were fighting about something.

“You can’t play ninja with us anymore.” I recognized Hito, another kid from my class. He seemed pretty tight with Jin.

 _See, kids, what did I tell you,_ I said to myself and sighed.

“Why can’t I?” A timid boy asked Hito. He was on the chubby side and had two brown swirls tattooed on his cheeks. I thought hard for a brief moment before I came to the conclusion his name was Chouji Akimichi.

I glanced back at Hito who had two purple rectangular tattoos on his cheeks. _Huh,_ I thought absently at the sudden revelation, _must be a clan thing or something._ The tattoos seemed like a double-edged sword. Iruka, my homeroom teacher at the academy, just finished discussing that during the First Great Ninja War shinobi were forbidden to give their surnames in fear that there would be retaliation outside of the battlefield. This was later less strictly enforced and morphed into a “use your own judgement” kind of rule. The tattoos seemed counterproductive against the fact that shinobi were supposed to be able to hide their identity. Tattoos could easily pinpoint your identity, so I didn’t understand the point of having them. Another question for Asahi when I got him, I guess.

“Because whenever you play with us, we lose!” Hito complained, stomping his feet as if to emphasize just how angry he was at Chouji.

“Yeah, you’re way too slow.” Jin added.

“You know guys, without him the teams would be uneven.” At least someone was sticking up for the poor chap, although the kid defending him sounded super nonchalant, not entirely a bad thing. Nonchalance showed that the kid had a cool head. Defending someone else at this age was a hard thing to do. “It’s lame like if you played a game of shogi and one of the pieces was missing.”

 _Wow, am I changing my opinion on kids right now?_ I thought sarcastically to myself.

“But if you have a piece that’s totally useless, then it’s the same thing.” Hito said.

“Yeah, what he said.” Another kid joined in.

“It’s our team, and we don’t mind having one less person.” It was Jin who spoke up this time.

Although the academy stressed comradery, none of the kids really understood the full gravity of its importance - that you could die if you didn’t get along with your teammates on a mission. This was one of the things that angered me the most at the ninja academy - the bullying and the fact that none of the teachers ever put a stop to it. Every day, it was always Hito and his gang of chickens - I hadn’t even bothered to remember their names. They bullied and picked on the other kids often. On a given day, their victim was either a shy girl with lavender eyes they thought had freakish eyes or a cheery, but dumb blonde-haired boy who they thought was a freak.

I had brought the bullying to Iruka’s attention. He didn’t do anything other than tell me bullying was normal and that he and the other teachers would stop it if it got physical. I shot right back at him and told him that bullying didn’t need to be serious for people to get hurt, and I think that took him off guard. He made an offhanded comment about how I needed to focus on improving my grades and sent me on my way. I waited another week, and he never lifted a finger to stop the bullying.

My God, won’t bullies ever stop existing.

Now it looked like they found another victim. I didn’t want to get involved. I’d never wanted to get involved. I didn’t want to make myself a target. If I step in, then they’d turn their attention on me. I knew I could handle them, but I just didn’t want to be bothered. _When did I change?_ In another life, I would’ve defended someone from a bully so quickly.

One glance at the dejected look on Chouji’s face made all of my resolve bubble away.

_Fuck me._

I steadied a breath.

“You know what they say, a weak leader gives blame and accepts the credit. You sure Akimichi-kun is the reason why you always lose? It’s not because you’re a weak leader?” I took more pleasure than I really should’ve from how high Hito jumped when I blew into his ear.

The other kids also backed away a few inches, unnerved by my sudden appearance. I wish I had a camera to record their scared looks, would’ve made for great blackmail. That would teach them a lesson to not pick on someone again.

“Besides, you shouldn’t be so mean to your classmates, they might save your life one day out on the battlefield.” I shrugged and then weaved easily between the stunned group of boys to continue my way to the Nara clan compound.

“Mopey-chan can talk?” I heard one of the boys comment.

Apparently Jin wasn’t the only one using my nickname. I didn’t care enough to correct them.

_Pit. Pat. Pit. Pat._

I stopped. “Why are you two following me?” I glanced back at Chouji and the boy who had defended him earlier with the shogi analogy. “They still didn’t let you play ninja with them?”

Chouji gave me a pitiful wag of the head. The other boy was looking up towards the sky and had his hands interlaced behind his head casually. _Clouds?_

“We’re not following you. My house is this direction,” said the boy. I scrutinized his face, for some reason I couldn’t think of his name. We’d been classmates for three weeks now, and I felt too embarrassed to ask him what his name was.

Chouji walked past me, staring dejectedly at his feet and dragging them lethargically. For a brief blink of a second, I imagined that I looked like him, all mopey and constantly sighing. He stopped when he noticed a butterfly trapped in a spider web. I quirked an eyebrow at him as he reached for the struggling butterfly and freed it from becoming spider food. I wasn’t sure what to make of his action.

“Hey, you wanna play at my house?” The other boy asked Chouji, walking up beside him.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Chouji cheered up at the invitation.

“It’s troublesome because you’re a girl, but I guess you can come too if you want.” The boy then turned to me.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I bit out, clearly salty at what he implied.

“If you’re going to be that troublesome, then never mind.”

“I can’t anyways, I’m running an errand for my mom. But thanks,” I couldn’t allow myself to get mad _at a kid._

The three of us walked together very awkwardly. I made sure to tail at least six or seven feet behind the boys so they didn’t think I was imposing on their conversation. I was getting more and more suspicious of why we were all heading in the same direction. I triple-checked Hirana’s map and I was sure that I was heading in the same direction.

The buildings thinned out and blended into a forest, green with tall trees and grassy fields. We were reaching the southern-east end of the village. After a while, we reached a large residence complex with the kanji “Nara” painted above the gate frame on a sign.

“I thought you said you had errands to run for your mom. Did you change your mind? That’s fine and all, but I have to tell my mom how many friends I have over or else she’ll get mad.” Yep, this kid was definitely Shikamaru Nara, my playdate for the afternoon.

 _Thanks Kaa-chan,_ another sarcastic comment passed in my head.

“I’m here to pick up something from the Nara clan for my mom.” I answered.

“I’m Shikamaru of the Nara clan, I’ll show you inside.” I almost did a double take at his sudden formalness and politeness. I felt like I was dealing with some kind of royalty, did I just enter a royal palace?

“Uh- I’m Miyuna Shimewari.” I was tempted to use the same syntax he had used “Miyuna of the Shimewari clan” but that sounded ridiculous even in my head. And I couldn’t even be sure if Shimewari was a clan.

“I know,” Shikamaru stated.

I grimaced internally. _Great going Sophie, look your classmate remembers your name just fine, but you couldn’t even remember his._

“You sounded super formal just now,” Chouji snickered behind a hand to his friend.

_Oh good, it wasn’t just me._

“It’s because my mom has been forcing me to be polite and remember my manners. She’s been saying that since I’m the clan heir and all, I need to act like it.” Shikamaru rolled his eyes dramatically.

I tagged behind the two boys curiously looking at my surroundings. I’d never been to this part of the village before.

Shikamaru’s house was an estate, literally a palace. Maybe he was royalty, I thought wryly to myself. There was a garden in the courtyard designed professionally, complete with mossy rocks, a koi fishpond, a wooden wrap-around porch, and various bushes and trees.

“You two wait here while I get my dad.” Shikamaru pointed to a part of the porch where we could sit and then disappeared deeper into his palace.

That was all the permission I needed. I plopped myself down, glad to have the chance to rest my feet after walking so much.

“Thanks for earlier,” Chouji began timidly as he took a seat beside me.

 _Clink._ I watched curiously at the bamboo deer scare Shikamaru’s family had in their courtyard garden. Water flowed out of a faucet into the bamboo tube, once it was full, it tipped down on one side like a seesaw and hit the rock at the base, making the clinking noise. _Clink._

“It wasn’t a problem. But you should learn how to stand up for yourself instead of letting someone else do it for you.” I spoke without look at him.

Chouji grew quiet from my words. I continued, “You can’t always expect someone to come to your aid, because one day someone is going to need you to stand up for them.”

Wow was I being so hypocritical right now, saying things like “you need to be strong to protect your friends” when I didn’t even want to become a ninja. In the end, I’d always be that weak person that needed to be protected.

I sighed again.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Chouji said.

The two of us grew quiet, and I was secretly urging Shikamaru and his dad to come out already, so I could get away from this awkwardness.

_Pat. Pat. Pat._

“Miyuna?” I stood up at the sound of my name. “When I last saw you, you were still a baby and you looked so much like your mother, but now that I look at you, you look more and more like your father.”

I almost blurted out that he and Shikamaru looked like they could be twins minus the obvious age and height difference. Shikaku Nara had the same pulled back ponytail hairstyle as his son - their hair even spiked outward resembling the top of a pineapple in the same way. The man looked like he belonged to a biker gang (if those existed here), with his rough scars down his cheek and forehead and the deer skin vest he sported which pulled his rough and tough demeanor together.

“Here’s what your mother wanted.” Shikaku handed me a simple scroll, and I took care to place it neatly in my backpack.

“Thank you.”

“Chouji, nice to see you again. Shikamaru, I booked you a playdate with Miyuna, go play together.” Shikaku declared like he was announcing the morning weather, and then retreated somewhere back to probably where he originally was.

“Huh?” Shikamaru looked confused. I was glad that I wasn’t the only one who had reacted unintelligibly when our parents dropped the playdate onto us. “Troublesome.”

“I’m fine sitting here if you two want to go play, I don’t mind.” I said to Shikamaru, hoping it’d appease him. I went back to being mesmerized by the deer scare.

“I can’t do that; I’d get scolded by my parents for excluding you even though you didn’t want to join.” Shikamaru said, now laying on his back next to Chouji, letting his legs dangle off the porch.

“Thanks for standing up for me again, Shikamaru.” Chouji went through thanking his friend in the same way he had to me.

“Of course, we’re friends.” Shikamaru smiled softly up at him.

_How nice._

They continued to chat while I slowly laid down on my back. The wooden porch was nice and cool against my back.

“Hey, you’re laying down too?” Chouji asked, turning to me as soon as flopped backwards.

“I’m tired from walking,” it wasn’t a lie. I was tired, but I was pretty sure that practicing my chakra control throughout the day was the main reason. I listened, for the most part, very seriously at what I was learning at the academy, but when Mizuki-sensei came in to teach basic math, that’s when I allowed myself to zone out and practice sticking leaves to my fingers under my desk to pass time. I realized that I could recall lots of knowledge about math and science from when I was Sophie in another world. And yet, frustratingly, I couldn’t recall a single thing about Sophie herself.

I was surprised to have actually fallen into a dreamless sleep on Shikamaru’s porch. When I woke up, I was groggy and hungry. I wasn’t on the porch anymore; I was laying on my side against a tatami floor and someone had kindly draped a blanket over me. Chouji and Shikamaru were nowhere to be seen.

“Shikamaru said she knocked out cold right after I left them,” I twitched at Shikaku’s deep drawl coming from somewhere close by. “Didn’t even stir when I moved her inside.”

“So much for the playdate.” Hirana giggled.

“It’s alright, Chouji and Shikamaru conked out for a while too.” It was Shikaku again.

“I just wanted Miyuna-chan to make some friends today.”

“Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about that. Chouji left earlier with Choza, told him all about how Miyuna defended him against some school bullies today. Shikamaru told me the same thing, said she went on about something like a weak leader gives blame and accepts the credit. He won’t admit it ever, but he’s pretty impressed with her. She apparently scared the bullies half to death, and it was hilarious.” Shikaku laughed.

“Honestly, that girl.” I didn’t need to see her face to know Hirana was exasperated. “Thanks for letting her stay over. I’ll go wake her up now. Shikamaru is welcome at our place anytime he wants and tell him that Chouji is welcome to join in as well.”

“You’re welcome to drop Miyuna off with us anytime too.” Shikaku chuckled.

Not even a minute later, Hirana was kneeling next to me and patting my leg to wake me up. “My goodness Miyuna, I booked you a playdate not a sleepover.”

I managed to look guilty this time under her disapproving stare.

I wouldn’t say that Shikamaru and Chouji became my friends after that playdate, but we were slowly warming up to the idea. The two boys stuck to each other like two peas in a pod. Sometimes Chouji would invite me to eat lunch with them even when Shikamaru grumbled behind him about how girls were too troublesome. Soon eating with them became a routine. We sat on the academy’s rooftop where no one came to disturb us. I enjoyed the view of the village while Chouji and Shikamaru talked about random topics from the types of snacks they’d have later to how they did on the latest test. Sometimes I was included, but most times they left me alone and I was perfectly content with that.

I didn’t understand the point of making friends if they were all going to die on the battlefield sooner or later.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally am not a fan of fanfic that has too many OCs because I find it hard to keep track, so honestly I am super surprised at myself for adding so many OCs myself. But I swear, from this chapter onwards my other OCs are going to have a smaller role in Miyuna's life and the Canon characters are going to be coming in.

_**v. an overwhelming urge to run away** _

Hirana definitely did a lot of scheming behind my back. I was running errands for her at the Nara clan compound way too often for it to be a coincidence. In a given week, I was averaging at least two visits to Shikamaru's home to pick up scrolls or to drop off herbs and salves. My visits were so frequent that Shikamaru had developed a habit of asking me if he needed to wait for me after school so that we could all walk to his house together.

Three or four weeks passed before my shaky friendship with Shikamaru and Chouji brought around another kid who wanted to become my friend. And, she _really_ wanted to become my friend.

Ino Yamanaka was her name. I'd seen her around with her dad Inoichi at the Yamanaka Flower Shop they owned even before I started at the ninja academy. Asahi often brought me to their shop to purchase flowers for Uncle Yuto and Tenka. As a result, she was probably the only one of my classmates who understood why I had been so mopey all the time at school.

If I really thought about it, I was pretty sure Asahi was also scheming behind my back. Recently Asahi had been taking me to the Yamanaka Flower Shop on Saturdays after lunch when Ino was there. He used to take me only when I asked, which was once every couple of weeks. Nowadays, every Saturday Asahi would come wake me up earlier than I would've liked, asking if I wanted to visit Uncle Yuto and Tenka. Even when I said I was too tired or that I had just visited them, he'd begin crying, purely being ornamental and doing it well, "What would Yuto-jichan say to that? Hoo-hoo-boo-hoo-hoo, Yuna-chan doesn't love me."

His whole "show" had become another routine, and I was honestly a little surprised when I woke up on a Saturday at ten without Asahi ever coming to bother me.

"Where's Tou-chan?" I asked, groggily walking into the kitchen where Hirana was heating up my breakfast.

"He left on a mission this morning; said he'll be back in about two weeks." Hirana answered, dropping a hand on my head for an affectionate pat.

I was suddenly awake like someone had poured ice cold water on me. "A mission? But he hasn't gone on missions in so long."

"Relax Miyuna, your dad is going to be fine. It's a routine check on the borders. Besides, your dad is super strong, you have nothing to worry about. He can handle himself." A bowl of rice and soup were placed on the table before me. "Now eat up, if you still want to go visit Yuto-jiji and Tenka-chan today, I'll leave you money on the table for flowers, and you can go by yourself. Kurenai-chan said she'd be here in a little to babysit the twins for a couple of hours. I'm off to run a couple of errands at work. I'll be home by five."

"But it's Saturday," I pointed out.

"I know Yuna-chan, wish I could rest but today's the only day I can go visit the herb farms around Konoha." Hirana kissed each of us on the cheek. Tobari and Jomei made a disgusted face at the display of affection, which earned them a pinch on the cheek afterwards.

Kurenai came not much later after Hirana left. The twins and I had just finished breakfast, and I was cleaning up the dishes and the table when the doorbell rang. I'd seen Kurenai briefly one other time while I was with Hirana getting groceries. She had been a student of Asahi's when she was younger along with two other guys Asuma and Raido. I thought she was very pretty - red eyes, dark hair, and a gentle, kind face - so it didn't exactly surprise me that Asuma had a crush on her. She arrived with Asuma as a plus-one. He apparently wanted to babysit my siblings and I too because we were his "old sensei's kids" but I saw right through him, he'd only wanted to do it because he could spend time with Kurenai.

They were cute. I shipped them.

"What are their names again?" Asuma asked Kurenai as he took off his sandals.

I was a little miffed that he didn't just ask us when we were standing in front of him. "I'm Miyuna and this is Jomei and Tobari."

"Good lord, they look identical." Asuma rubbed a hand against his head in confusion. "I'm definitely not going to be able to tell them apart."

I had a hard time telling the twins apart when they were first born too. Asahi had told me that Yuto and him as kids looked identical but as they grew up and each went off in their separate ways to pursue different interests, they began to look more and more fraternal. But at two-years-old, Tobari and Jomei were identical down to the freckles on their bodies. They both shared the same dark brown hair - apparently Asahi's mother, my grandmother, had this hair color - and they had olive-colored eyes like Asahi but lighter and a shade or two more golden like Hirana's. If people didn't say it aloud, they were thinking it: Hirana and Asahi made cute, beautiful babies.

After I ran through Tobari's and Jomei's Saturday routine for Kurenai, I packed a little bag with the money Hirana left me, a water bottle, and two rice balls for lunch later. It never ceased to surprise me that adults were so comfortable with letting six-year-olds run around the village unsupervised.

The way to the Yamanaka Flower Shop from our apartment was practically ingrained in my head. While I walked, I plucked a couple of leaves from the low-hanging branch of a tree and began practicing my chakra control again. The leaves were getting too easy now, and I regretted that I didn't bring my wooden kunai to practice with. I made a mental note to ask Hirana for some more chakra-control exercises.

"Good morning Miyuna-chan, you're earlier than usual. Ino is still at home. Where's your dad?" greeted Inoichi, he always looked a little funny wearing a floral apron while he worked around his shop. Probably because I knew he was a part of the Torture and Interrogation team. For someone who had such a hardcore job, he had a gentle nature. He genuinely appeared to care about me when he asked about my day or what kind of flowers I liked, often gifting me flowers with my purchase of white poppies for Uncle Yuto's and Tenka's graves.

"Tou-chan is on a mission." I replied while I walked over to some purple flowers to admire them.

"That's right, I forgot," he didn't seem like he forgot but asked as a sort of courtesy thing.

"I want some of these please." I pointed to a stand where different colors of tulips were placed.

"Eh? No white poppies today? You're not visiting your Ji-chan and your friend?" Inoichi's surprise was expected. Asahi had reacted in the same way whenever I asked for non-white flowers; he never let me get non-white flowers. They were inappropriate, Asahi always said to me.

"I would want something colorful and different; these tulips are so pretty, and they smell so fresh." _On my grave,_ went unsaid.

I wonder if _Sophie_ had a grave back in her world. Did someone bring her flowers like Miyuna was bringing Yuto and Tenka flowers? What kind?

"I can't disagree with you there. We just got those tulips in this morning." Inoichi didn't attempt to stir me away from the flowers I wanted to get, "Well alright then, I'll make two small bouquets with those tulips you want."

Inoichi let me sit on his stool while I waited for my bouquets. He was efficient, picking branches and other flowers that would complement the purple tulips in the bouquet.

"Say Miyuna, Ino's having a sleepover at Shikamaru's house next Friday with Chouji, do you want to join? You're friends with Shikamaru and Chouji aren't you?"

I blinked up at Inoichi, my mind spinning to wrap around what he had just said. Ino had a love-hate relationship with the other two boys. I could literally picture the chaos right now.

"Ino is okay with that?" I asked.

Inoichi sounded like he was trying to hide a snort under a cough. He composed himself and then replied, "No, not really. But I bet she'd feel better if you were there, so she isn't surrounded by boys all night."

I gave him a suspicious look. So, he was plotting too like Hirana and Asahi for his own daughter. He coughed again when he caught my look.

"Is Nara-san okay with it?"

Another choke, this time not so discretely, "Nara-san? Do you call him that in person? That's cold."

I had a feeling he was laughing at his friend more than he was laughing at me.

"Shikaku-jichan," Inoichi stressed, telling me that this was what I was supposed to call him, "would love to have you over for a sleepover with Shikamaru."

"I still have to ask Kaa-chan." I was really trying to get out of this, and I think he could tell.

In the back of my mind, I was already plotting on "forgetting". I paid for the flowers and left the shop without seeing Ino. I could just imagine her throwing a tantrum at her dad for missing me.

The morning oozed on, slow and sticky like syrup. The Konoha cemetery wasn't far from the Yamanaka Flower Shop. Most kids Miyuna's age thought the cemetery was creepy, but whenever I trekked up to the cemetery, I always started having morbid, depressing thoughts. The shinobi cemetery was large, surrounded by forests, and separate from the civilian cemetery which was on the other side of town. Only those who died during their line of duty were buried here. I wondered how many of the graves were empty, their bodies irretrievable and lost somewhere behind enemy lines. I wondered how much of Tenka's body was salvaged and if Yuto's body was actually buried underneath my feet.

Asahi and I were never alone at the cemetery on Saturdays, there were always other people visiting their loved ones. Today wasn't any difference, except I recognized the two figures standing over Tenka's grave.

"Those aren't flowers you take to a grave." Ren was the first to acknowledge me. His eyes were dry for the most part, but his eyes were rimmed with red like he had eyeliner on.

As for Wakaro, I could see he was trying really hard to stop his tears, but they kept coming. Compared to Ren who was the perfect cool picture of poise, he was a sobbing, snotty complete mess. The scene, as serious as it was - standing in front of their dead teammate - felt nostalgic; it reminded me of when I first met them. Wakaro had been loud, whining and fake-sobbing over the fact that they had to babysit me for their lame D-rank mission. Ren seemed to have already resigned himself to his fate, acting all cool and collected like nothing could faze him.

How was Tenka? Oh yeah, she adored me even though I didn't appreciate her affections back then. I remembered her saying that she had always wanted a younger sister.

"Sorry," Wakaro muttered, wiping his tears on his sleeved elbow.

"Why are you apologizing?" I probably should've been gentler with them. I sounded like a mother hen giving a harsh scolding to her two kids.

Ren raised an eyebrow at me in a mixed expression of confusion and disbelief, "You must've learned this already at the academy. The number one shinobi rule is that shinobi must not show their emotions. Under no circumstances can one shed tears."

"That's right," Wakaro sniffled in agreement. "We can't cry."

"Do shinobi really follow all those rules? Why? Because crying makes you weak?" I frowned as I set my colorful bouquet of purple tulips down on Tenka's grave. I may or may not have been a little judgmental in my tone, I didn't care enough to think about how I sounded. Absently, I busied myself with rearranging Ren and Wakaro's white poppies next to mine so that everything was neat and complimented my purple tulips.

"Yes, that's what we're taught." Ren finally answered robotically after several beats of silence. It was a textbook answer, one that'd been shoved down our throats at the academy. You don't question why. You just follow it.

 _Doesn't mean it's right,_ I wanted to say, but I held my tongue and instead said, "That's disappointing." My answer was slightly vaguer this way.

I swear I felt Wakaro and Ren stiffen behind me, and I could just imagine their mouths swinging open and close behind me. I slumped onto my butt and wrapped my arms around my knees. Someone had cleaned her grave, there wasn't a speck of dirt or dust on the smooth marble plaque.

I wondered if she had been reincarnated somewhere. Did she remember being Tenka the same way I remembered being Sophie? Was she happy? Had she been happy here?

"Did you know that purple tulips symbolize reincarnation? Even though purple tulips aren't traditionally used on graves, I think that's a nice message to send to Tenka." I was fine with Ren dodging my previous comment. I wasn't about to get into a fight questioning their entire belief system.

Wakaro coughed harshly behind me, like Ren had kicked him in the stomach. "Ackk- mm, yeah, these tulips are so pretty. Good choice, Miyuna-chan."

"Anyways, Bakaro and I were about to go get lunch, want to come? We'll get you whatever you want, it'll be Bakaro's and my treat." Ren leaned down over me, his head coming over the top of my head, so we'd make awkward eye contact with each other.

"Hey, don't call me that!" Wakaro exclaimed only to receive a kick from Ren in the stomach.

"No thanks." I mumbled into my knees.

"Then, will you be okay by yourself here?" Ren gave me a pat on the head like he was petting a dog.

I merely nodded.

 _Finally some peace and quiet._ I don't talk to the graves like some people do at the cemetery. I was too uncomfortable at the thought of someone listening in on my conversation with them. Besides, it's not like Tenka or Uncle Yuto could hear me.

A boy walked in front of the grave next to Tenka's. "Sorry I haven't visited in a while Tenma." The boy said plaintively. "I was made chunin in October last year and I've been so busy with missions. I heard Shinko-san has been doing pretty good. She works at a tea shop on Fifth Street now."

_So much for that peace and quiet._

The boy kept blabbing about the most mundane details that by the time he finished and was about to leave, I'd gotten so much useless information about him. He was just like Ren and Wakaro, he had lost a teammate too when they were genin. He liked sweets, especially dango, and he thought dango went very well with green tea. I also found out that he had a younger brother who was in the ninja academy.

"Sorry, I must've bothered you." I quirked my head up at him. I didn't expect him to talk to me, much less apologize for talking aloud to his friend.

"Don't worry about it," I replied, the surprise still in my voice.

The boy was young, big-eyed and innocent-looking. He didn't look anywhere close to twelve - when I knew Wakaro and Ren had become fresh, minty genin - and yet he was already a chunin. He was _so_ young.

Grrrrkkkkk. I perked up at the low growling sound. It hadn't been my stomach. The boy looked a little uncomfortable.

On a whim, because I pitied the boy, I offered him the riceballs I had packed for myself. "They're not poisoned. My mom made them fresh this morning. They're filled with salmon." I clarified when I saw his blank look to the riceballs I shoved in his face.

"Thank you," he replied tentatively. "Why don't we share them over some tea together? My treat. I know a teahouse close by."

I shook my head at him, my eyes narrowing at him suspiciously, "I'm sorry, but I don't know you."

He chuckled at that, and I could visibly see his demeanor relax. "I have no ill thoughts. I am not trying to kidnap you. My name is Itachi Uchiha, my younger brother is Sasuke Uchiha. You look around the same age as my brother, perhaps you know him from the academy?"

I resisted rolling my eyes. Who doesn't know Sasuke Uchiha? He was Mr. Perfect and all the girls, except me and one other girl named Hinata, were head over heels for him. The teachers were head over heels for him too and quickly titled him "a genius like his brother". Guess this was the brother. Sasuke _did_ deserve the "genius" title. He had perfect test grades and perfect form and aim during taijutsu and kunai throwing practice. Okay, and I'll give it to him, he had a good set of genes. He was cute. But he also had a nasty attitude - stuck up and thought the rest of us were all beneath him. Some of my classmates had asked him for help with their kunai throwing, and he had simply stuck his nose in the air and walked away from them. Alright…most of them had been girls, but he could've put a stop to the fangirling if he said something and he could have still offered a few tips to them.

"You don't seem to like my younger brother very much," observed Itachi. He was trying, with difficulty, not to smile. "Has he been mean to you?"

"No, it's nothing."

"Well if you say so." Itachi said, to the ground this time as if he was getting lost on a memory. "Sasuke always goes on and on about how all the girls in his class are always swooning over him."

"Well you can tell him it's not all the girls."

"Is that so?" This time a smile spread freely across his cheeks.

The teahouse Itachi took me to was in fact very close to the Konoha Shinobi Cemetery. I had decided to go with him seeing he was just a kid, perhaps no more than five years older than me. Itachi ordered a green tea for himself and a honey tea for me that was caffeine-free. I had wanted a green tea too, but he shot me down with a scolding comment that I was too young to drink teas with caffeine. I didn't bother fighting him on it - that he was a kid too - seeing that he was the one treating me to tea. We sat on the teahouse's patio for a long time in silence, surrounded by willow trees and fragrant hibiscus bushes.

"This is my favorite teahouse. It's off the beaten path so not many people come here." Itachi said, sipping his tea languidly.

"It's nice," I responded awkwardly between my own sips, not really knowing what else to say.

A beat passed between us.

"I think lots of shinobi struggle to follow the rules." Itachi said thoughtfully. "But in the end, no one can tell you what you can or can't do, it's all up to you. You make your own standards."

I shoved down the flinch that threatened to rip through my body. If the boy noticed my discomfort, he was too practiced to let it show. I calmed myself down with thoughts that it didn't matter if Itachi had heard my conversation with Wakaro and Ren. The worst he could do was scold me or tell my parents that I wasn't onboard with the _propaganda_ they threw at us at the ninja academy. And honestly, the boy seemed to share some of the same reservations I had concerning "shinobi rules". Scolding me or telling my parents seemed highly unlikely with him.

 _Poof._ "Heyo, finally found ya. Thought you said you were going to go visit your old teammate, so I went looking for you at the cemetery. But here I find you having a little date with a cute, little girl." I squeaked at the newcomer's appearance. The boy was probably in his late teens, and he was smiling cheerily down at me. He had a mop of dark curly hair and dark eyes, the plainest of plain features.

 _Screw you,_ I mentally swore at the newcomer.

"Shisui, you scared her," Itachi said in the most apathetic voice ever.

"Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to scare your little girlfriend."

"She's Sasuke's classmate."

"Oh, so Sasuke's girlfriend."

I twitched at their banter. "I'm no one's girlfriend." I cut in.

"Hahaha, is that so?" The newcomer grinned in a cheesy way. "You're single? Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

"Most definitely not." I mustered a glare at him.

"Ooof so cold, I'm hurt. I was just making a joke, no need to be so serious. My heart seriously hurts now." Shisui, I presumed from what Itachi called him, held a hand to his heart as if he had suffered a serious wound. His acting only lasted a few seconds before he perked back up, "So you're not going to introduce us, Itachi?"

"I'm Miyuna Shimewari, uh- Sasuke's classmate." I remembered that I never gave Itachi my name earlier. "Nice to meet you," I added as an afterthought.

"I'm Shisui Uchiha, Sasuke and Itachi's cousin! Nice to meet you too!" He chirped.

I merely blinked at him, keeping on a mask of total blankness.

"Ack, so cold." Shisui whined, hanging his head in disappointment.

"Were you looking for me for something?" Itachi was the one who brought his cousin back on topic.

"Was I looking for you for something?" Shisui exclaimed in faux shock. Boy, was this guy an actor. "Did you forget you promised to train with me today? That's totallly not like you. Now, I know how Sasuke-chan feels."

"Is it one already?" Itachi asked. The only indication that he was surprised at the time was the subtle tone change in his voice.

"Yeah, let's get going. Chop, chop, time is wasting away!" Shisui clapped his hands together to rush Itachi up to his feet.

I swear this guy rivaled Wakaro in bubbliness.

"Thank you for the tea," I said to Itachi just as he was getting up from his seat.

He smiled softly down at me, "And thank you for the riceball. It was really yummy. I hope you feel better. Perhaps we'll meet again."

"Hey, hey, why don't we take her with us." Shisui nudged Itachi in the ribs with his elbow, which made the younger Uchiha shy away from his cousin. When Itachi didn't offer an answer, Shisui turned to me, "Bet you've never seen two awesome ninjas spar before, what do you say? You interested?"

"No thanks." I replied. I can't lie, I _was_ interested to see how ninjas sparred purely for scientific observation. How did they apply chakra in real-time for real-life situations? What kinds of techniques were possible with chakra? But my giddy curiosity over chakra always evaporated as soon as I thought about what sparring alluded to: violence - two ninjas punching each other, trying to hurt each other, trying to kill each other.

"Great, let's go!" Shisui shot his hands out under my armpits to lift me out of my seat like I was a two-year-old.

"Huh?" Instinctively, I shot out my chakra to my hands and butt, so I'd stayed glued to the bench.

Shisui stilled and the cheery, cheesy mood dispersed into an awkward one. "That's pretty good chakra control you got there," Shisui wore a look of stupor. Another moment passed before his cheery mood returned, his grin wider than ever. "If you come with us, I'll teach you how to climb a tree!"

"I already know how to climb a tree," I hissed at him like a hostile cat.

"Oh? Without hands? I meant summoning chakra to the balls of your feet and walking straight up a tree trunk." Shisui explained as if climbing up trees without hands was common sense.

I blinked, my mind trying to comprehend how that would look and how that would work with chakra. This apparently was enough of a distraction for Shisui to pluck me off the bench. I couldn't stick myself to the bench fast enough, and before I could protest, I was tucked under his arm and we were already flying across rooftops.

Shisui dropped me in front of a large tree in a clearing. I was impressed that chakra - gathering and releasing it at the bottoms of your feet - could allow ninjas to jump higher, farther, and quicker. Both Shisui and Itachi used this technique with a practiced ease, and we had arrived at one of their clan's training grounds in one-minute flat when walking at my usual pace would've taken at least thirty minutes. Apparently, this wasn't anything to be impressed by.

Itachi and his cousin darted at each other at an amazing speed, bouncing off the trees surrounding the clearing as if they were trampolines. Anticipation and excitement colored their faces. On the ground, Itachi whipped out a kunai knife and leaped midair to meet Shisui who had bounced off a higher point from a tree. Their kunai knives clashed with a metallic _zing, zing._ With a grunt, Shisui flickered to the ground and sped through several hand seals, so fast that I thought the speed was insanely inhuman. Shisui gulped in a huge breath and on his exhale a large fireball blew from his mouth. _Holy shit._ The fire was definitely real and hot; I could feel the fire even by the tree trunk Shisui had ordered me to stay glued to. I panicked for Itachi, but he handled the giant fireball as if it was just a bug. Itachi pulled his hands together through a series of hand seals too, just as fast as Shisui had done, but when he exhaled several bursts of water shot directly at the fireball.

"Man, water style jutsu are so convenient." Shisui groaned dramatically at his cousin.

"You can copy it with your Sharingan." Itachi deadpanned.

Shisui gave a snicker and closed his eyes briefly, when they opened both his eyes were red. _A jutsu?_ I made a mental note to ask later.

"Hey, hey! Aren't you being a bit too lax? Sasuke'd laugh at you if he saw this." Shisui teased.

The two abandoned their kunai knives and began engaging in hand-to-hand combat. Their kicks and punches were precise and so were their blocks.

"Uchiha Style: Halo Dance," Shisui pulled out the short sword he had on his back. He held it in front of him and the sword's blade erupted in flames.

I blinked and Shisui was gone from his spot on the ground. In another blink, he was zipping around the trees way faster than he had before. Each time, he would bounce towards Itachi, trapping him in the middle on the ground and slashing the younger boy with the fiery sword in his hand.

I closed hands over my eyes. He was going to kill Itachi!

_Poof._

"Miyuna, if you're shielding your eyes like that, how are you going to see what we're doing?" Shisui's voice drifted from in front of me.

I peeked at the scene between my fingers, expecting Itachi's burnt and battered body in the middle of the clearing. Instead, all I saw was a burnt piece of log and Itachi standing a few feet behind Shisui, perfectly healthy.

"Substitution Jutsu," Itachi caught on what I had been afraid of seeing. "It's a technique you learn at the third level of the academy. You switch your body with a nearby object to escape an opponent's attack. I'm perfectly fine."

"Besides, I wouldn't purposely hurt Itachi that bad. If I felt like he couldn't dodge, I'd stop my jutsu immediately. And, if I did accidentally hurt him, I'd rush him to the hospital, and someone could use medical ninjutsu to heal him back up. There's nothing to worry about. Itachi and I are comrades, besties, we would never use lethal force against each other." Shisui explained, then he turned gears, dropping his face in front of mine. "How are you going to become a good shinobi if you're scared of combat, hm?"

My mood turned sour at his words, not that I had been in a particularly good mood in the first place.

"Hm, you don't want to become a shinobi, do you?" Shisui asked, leaning onto his left leg in a more casual pose.

I couldn't hold back the twitch.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Although his demeanor was still very casual, Shisui sounded serious. I'm not sure if that made me feel better or worse. Being a shinobi was no laughing matter, but the serious look on Shisui's face made me afraid of how he might retaliate to my fears.

"A wise man once said 'courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave shinobi is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear (1)." Itachi recited wistfully as he walked closer to where I was still sitting on the ground with Shisui squatting in front of me. "The ninja world is no laughing matter. It is full of danger and death every corner you turn. But being a ninja is much more than just that. There is a reason why so many of us still continue to go down the arduous path of a shinobi. It's because our desire to protect our loved ones, the ones precious to us, burns stronger than our fears."

Shisui hummed in agreement, "For me, my precious people are Itachi and Sasuke and the rest of my family, and the village!" At Itachi's name, he swung an arm around his cousin's neck much to Itachi's dismay.

"One day, you'll find that there is something much more important than fear, and then you'll find your strength. It's okay to be scared now, take it one step at a time and be patient with yourself." Itachi continued, while attempting to shove his slightly taller cousin off of him.

"Wow, wow, when did you get so poetic, Tachi-kun?" Shisui commented in fake-stupor.

Itachi ignored him, "Do you have someone you want to protect, Miyuna?"

The answer was a no-brainer. "My little brothers and my parents." I replied.

"Ho-ho, look Tachi-kun, we finally got a smile out of the pretty lady."

I pulled my unconscious smile back into a frown.

"Darn, now she looks like your old man now."

"Don't call my father an 'old man', he's the clan head."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Quote by Nelson Mandela - "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."


End file.
